roughly nine B.T.s and a bunch o security for a party this saturday
my phone is dead so send a message

just letting ya know I'm alive

I have been helping a friend remodel there house this last week and they told me this story
"so my mom is alergic to cats but my step dad really wanted one. So they ended up getting a cat but it stays out doors all the time. Except a few times a week when my mom gets home from work it sneaks in when she opens the door. she immediatly starts chasing it to get it out of the house. Which in turn starts my dad chasing her around up untill they all three make it to the other end of the house and the back door. At which time they let the cat out. after all of that they remember to feed it."
I guess this happens about four times a week
I think it is halarious and realize that the things like that are what are really important in life
there is something here I am trying to say

the end of august I need home like things
at least a room and hopefully a storage area to keep all my crap
preferably a safe place for antiques and stuff

I think I am officially out of my funk
I feel great
I am tired of feeling depressed so I won't anymore
the freedom of forgiveness is amazing
plus everyday has to get better from here
no more worries

what an odd couple of weeks!
I may not be able to get rid of my job any time soon
I will be living in a new place by the end of august
the tenuous relationship I had before has been stopped
and one of the original collaborates for my comic just died in a car accident
I am at the beginning of a new era
no strings. no hindrances. no worries.
I will have a week to find myself
finally...again

mood: contemplative

looks like I get to move soon
lease is up august 31
they are raising our rent enough that I think it is not worth it to renew

apologies to anyone who has had to deal with me the last few weeks
or will have to for the next three
let me just say I am dealing with a bit of stress and an insane boss
I will probably get worse
but man those two weeks off will be nice

woman enticing
last chance for this autumn knight
last chance for this one

a couple of my online friends are getting married
this is the best news I have heard in weeks
hmmm it is happening in bucarest though....
I may actually need a passport soon
strange

I found out last night that being a club manager is definitely a state of mind
even when you are at a different club
somehow emergency equals tucker in charge everywhere

other than that my life is complete chaos and I have no idea what I am doing
varying shades of gray
I hate having no absolutes


but I guess I will grow from this

I loved this whole work week
I laughed I cried (heroes actually)
I flirted played bartender
I chatted with friends across the country
I got half naked and I even danced with a gorgeous woman

all in all a great week of work

see you all next week

the tuckstar

you know everything
I can hurt you know more
the clip in my gun is empty

The first ray of the morning sun
flutters, pushes and almost skitters up to my face
where, after a short pause, it gently brushes my eyelash with visible trepidation
almost imperceptibly I am roused from my near torpor
caught between Morpheus and the tellurian I see pictures real and imagined
instinctively my hand reaches and grasps for the one next to me
of course all that is really grasped is part of a cool sheet
It has been months since she was there, and even then it was sporadic at best
but this is a morning ritual on my part so I am not surprised nor do I worry
I do think on it but my thoughts go along the lines of "it just is"
it is that moment, that year, that millisecond of thought
that the armada of morning light decides to wage war with my head
full broadsides, canons blazing, directly into my face
my eyes are closed and still I go blind
then the pictures come
I see a Cheshire grin that never fails to make me smile
I see enchanting beauty, gorgeous and erotic
next the vision of her leaning over her sleeping son comes
she kisses him then titters and giggles
all the time looking entirely too proud of herself
lastly blinded and stuck in memory I see her eyes
I glimpse heaven
that look she gave, like she was trying to memorize every detail of me
the look I still catch her giving me
my eyes water. I try to tell myself the light is doing it
but we all know better or we should
because I am still caught in that half world, a miracle occurs
transmutation the likes no cathedral no matter how grand has ever witnessed
these tears. these most precious tears become the most important
part of me. they become my expression, my purity of thought
each one says more than words or books or even whole civilizations could ever
dream of expressing.
I cherish every one as it moves and flows across my face and eventually to nothingness
these tears, these most precious tears
of blood

I feel lost
aimless
fearless
goalless
painless
emotion?
wistful
prideful
thoughtful
hopeful
mental state?
ambivalence
disquiet
oscillation
uncertain
conclusion?
new
inexperienced
unaccustomed
advanced

semi-weekly promoter wanted

let me know or pass it on

I have been avoiding it
I was doing a great job also
but kelly had to ask how I was doing last night
I WAS doing fine
but now...
Now I guess I start to heal
There is a part of the smile that is my heart that is now missing
but at least I know the beauty of a questing soul
my only regret is that more people did not meet him
elephant shoes josh
elephant shoes

goodbye my friend

I will continue to miss you
may you rest in peace Joshua Boyd
you were and are a great friend

all of you who showed up and made my birthday fun
I thank you
and all of you who helped set up and clean I thank you as well